My constant, sloth like state disgusts me. im a 17 year old male living in england currently and i hate myself. i hate my life. im constantly in a state of boredom, but im too lazy to do anything, im not at college because i cant be bothered having to try to achieve something, i was recently in a relationship with a girl who i thought i loved, but she wanted me to go out every day and i dont want to do that, im too lazy. i do not have a job, because i quite frankly cannot be arsed to go out and look. i dont know how to approach and talk to people in real life situations i spend most of my time playing games like league of legends to try and take my mind off of reality. i do nothing all day but eat, sleep and masterbate. sometimes i wish my family hated me, so i had a reason to feel so ****. i wish something traumatic happened to me as a child, i wish my parents abused me i wish a neighbor ****d me or something to make me hate life, but no, my childhood was normal, i used to be normal. but now i cant stop this cycle of nothingness. i dont want to live, but i dont want to die. i dont want to die, i wish i had never been born in the first place. at least if i died and my family hated me then they would be happy i was gone, but they love me, and that makes existence so much harder. idk what im trying to say, i just wanted to vent. basically, im depressed, suicidal, and i dont have a reason for it which angers me to no end. im a disgusting waste of skin, im a waste of resources. im a disgusting human being. this life that was given to me by the lord, or whatever created us is being wasted. im a waste, why do i exist. i am so so sorry for existing.